LOVEABLE QUIRKY PEEPS

5/23/10

SATURDAY CENTUS... Week Three

I'm participating in Saturday Centus,
hosted by Jenny Matlock.
Visit her to see how others formed a short story from this weeks prompt..

I look back over my shoulder, squinting into the late afternoon sun, gawking with stunned alarm at the broad rolling muddy waters of the Mississippi,

Here's what I've done with it..


I stood shivering in stunned silence, memories linking together the past few days of misery that brought us here. Thoughts smoldering in my mind of what we'd said, of what I'd just done.

How could I have become so enraged?  I've always managed to walk away, the echo's of her taunting voice cutting deep into my soul. Like some invisible knife twisting into my heart.


But this time she went too far. I went too far.

 

I turn and run, memories of her screaming my name... "Carissa"
 
I look back over my shoulder, squinting into the late afternoon sun, gawking with stunned alarm at the broad rolling muddy waters of the Mississippi,


watching as it swallows the body of my sister...









15 comments:

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Jake, I LOVE this as much as I love you!

I'm a word person, so when someone can paint a picture like you did, I get reeeeeeally caught up in each delicious sentence. So, I'm reading along, saying out loud, "Oh, this is good, this is good" and then I came to the end and laughed loud enough to wake the dead! You rock!!

Kat said...

This was great. When I got to the name, I just laughed. Loved that we got to see the other perspective! Kathy

Terra said...

Very cool story. Almost all of went to a creepy place this week, it has been fun to read!

Viki said...

OMG, too funny. Where have I heard the name Carissa before LOL? Good job.

Mister Jenny said...

Good job, good read!

Cheryl said...

Wow, this triptic of Carissa and Rebecca(?) has been fantastic! Nice job of keeping this going.

Tgoette said...

This was very well written and I like how you fit the prompt in there. Very impressive post!

Tracy said...

super Meme loved it

cj Schlottman said...

Love the way you string words together and create escalating tension. I'm lost about Carissa, though. From another post at another time? One of your characters? (Sorry to be s clueless). (:-l

Caroljs said...

Fantastic!

jeff campbell said...

Is it the river or a sense that this could be in the south that has everyone writing such dark prose? You have a great use of the language...I enjoyed it a lot...Peace and blessings

TheNormanFive said...

Yikes... I want to know what happens next.. does the character go after his sister?

cj Schlottman said...

Thanks! Now I see..............

Sue said...

Vicki, this is amazing. You really do have a gift for writing.

Hugs,

Sue

Jenny said...

I love you continuing and twisting PJ's links! This was very clever!

I laughed when I saw the name...and I knew you two were up to your usual orneriness!

Awesome job!