YOU CAN HEAR THE SONG......HERE
Showing posts with label lori ann. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lori ann. Show all posts
1/14/11
JUST MISSING HER...
7/31/10
IT'S JULY 31st....
1/14/10
THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL WHO HAD A LITTLE CURL..
If you haven't read the last two posts, please scroll down and do so...
It will make more sense.Do you remember that nursery rhyme?
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
When I think of my daughter now, it's hard to imagine what life must have been like inside her head. I said I knew 3 of her...
One was so loving with such a funny sense of humor. A hard worker and with a sense of moral values. She'll do anything she can and give anything she has if she knew it would help someone. Her family was important and she loved her mom. This is the one who, if she did something she knew wasn't right, or hurt someones feelings, she'd make them a card saying how sorry she was and she'd try harder to be good.
Then the ultra religious one. As she got older, this one wouldn't leave the house without a Bible..even to go check the mail. If I was taking her somewhere with me and she'd forgotten her Bible, I had to go back to get it, no matter how close we were to where we were going. She would turn any pictures in frames around, even nic naks saying they were idols and evil. It was an obsession. Also something that got her through some hard places.
The other one I knew was....how do I say my daughter was evil? But that's what I know of the other one. Pure hateful, cruel and evil. Sadly, this is the one who came out more and more as Lori got older.
I need to finish this and to do that, I will have to skip through the years. From the time she came back home at 16, then left again, there were drug overdoses, theft charges, jail time and living on the streets. Calls from the sheriff's office telling me of prostitution charges, gang affiliation, and so many other awful things. I never really knew where she was when these things happened. But in between, there were calls telling me she was ok and how much she loves me. And the rare times she would just stop in to see everyone...
There were also State Prison terms..two of them.
Then all the attempts at ending her life. I wondered which one was in control during these times...the evil one, or one of the others trying to just put a stop to all the madness. There were so many times she almost succeeded. From the drug overdoses, to jumping out in front of a car going down the street, jumping off a train, getting beat up so bad by some boyfriend that she ended up in the hospital, and just laying down in the middle of the road waiting for a car to run over her. There are many more that I would rather not know...My heart hurts so much thinking of all she went through.
I wrote quite a bit more here, then the power went out. Now it's back on and I've lost what I shared...must have been between the saving modes..
And I probably don't need to go on anymore. There will be other times when a memory will get me back here posting about my daughter. But I need to share this.....
Two years ago today about an hour after I got home from work, the town Marshall came to my door. He'd been here before with bad news about something Lori had done. So when he said he had some bad news about her, I just asked what she'd done this time...
And I can't share anymore today
One thing I've learned is that life goes on...
Thanks for taking the time to stay and read this.
Till next time....Hold your babies close...
CONTINUING ON...
This will be a shorter post, adding to what I shared last night.
Before I go on, I need to say a couple of things about life...
Everyone can relate to stories someone else shares. Either because they have the compassion and understanding to realize life is full of love and laughter, drama and heartache. Or because they've been through something similar. Hopefully both...
I'm sharing something very personal, yet something I know many, many people can relate to. Yet everyone has their own story. Here's some more of mine....
Last night I told some things about my daughters early years. There's so much more, but this isn't the place to talk about it. I've just given you a small glimpse of life with Lori.
As I said, there are so many more things that happened. And it all lead up to her being put into "The System" a month before her 14th birthday. Her choice. She didn't want to live with me anymore, so she did all she could to get herself out of the house.
But even they couldn't help her. She went from Foster Homes to Group Homes, always leaving either because they couldn't control her or because that's what she wanted, which was usually the case. One time she left a detention center sometime after lock down. The only reason they even knew she was gone is because sometime in the middle of the night, she was banging on the front door to be let back in! She said it was too cold to be out...
Of course there were countless 'evaluations' which at first lead to the usual "It's the Mother's fault", then to the fact that they washed their hands of her. I had one Social Worker tell me "Lori needs more help than either you or I can give her". So at 16, they sent her back home. Two months later she was gone again...
Now I need to say something you've probably already assumed. And I will quote countless others who have been or are now there...Drugs are indescribably horrible and heartbreaking to everyone involved. And on top of all that, Lori was finally diagnosed with something I always knew. She had multiple personalities.
I knew 3 of them.....
And I have to get to work, so I'll be back later today with more.
Thanks for coming by again and have a good Thursday.
This will be continued....
1/13/10
WHERE DO I START....
I've been going over in my mind how to do this post...what to say, what to keep inside. And I'm the kind of writer that gets an idea of what I want to say, then end up going in a different direction once I start. I've been a little mysterious about it too. Sorry...
I'll just start sharing the thoughts in my mind right now and we'll see what comes of it.
This is about my first daughter and second child, Lori Ann. She was so tiny as a baby...
Remember the first 'disposable' diapers? They came in small, medium and large. At one year old, she still used the small ones. Tiny and petite in size but just the opposite in personality! Her world was HUGE and so full of prospects. Stubborn yet sweet. Head strong and insightful.
And I could never keep a secret around her. Sometimes I'd make plans to take the kids somewhere special for the day and not tell anyone! But as soon as we were in the car and pulling out of the driveway, Lori would say where we were going. Very uncanny sometimes...
I'll tell a little more about her early years for a minute. She started sucking her thumb and my Mom said she shouldn't because it would make her teeth poke out. So she brought me a bottle of hot pepper sauce and put some on her thumb. Lori stuck it in her mouth., looked at me and her grandma, sucked harder then stuck it out for more hot sauce! She was 9 months old.
Sometimes she would just start crying like babies do. I'd make sure nothing was causing the crying, and there wasn't, but she would continue for a few minutes then pass out! The first time it scared me something awful! I called the doctor and he said to just put her down somewhere safe, sit on the other side of the room and wait...she'd come out of it. He said she was looking for attention. I had to shake my head at that, she got plenty of it! But she continued to do this until she was about 2.
Yet other times, she was the giggly little girl who loved to hug anyone!
And very intelligent. She read sooner than anyone else her age, loved to draw, and when she did it was very detailed. Her teacher sent a picture home with a note that she was so impressed. Lori had drawn a picture of her teacher with every little detail she saw. Right down to the earrings, her rings, and her hair bows..
I'll just start sharing the thoughts in my mind right now and we'll see what comes of it.
This is about my first daughter and second child, Lori Ann. She was so tiny as a baby...
Remember the first 'disposable' diapers? They came in small, medium and large. At one year old, she still used the small ones. Tiny and petite in size but just the opposite in personality! Her world was HUGE and so full of prospects. Stubborn yet sweet. Head strong and insightful.
And I could never keep a secret around her. Sometimes I'd make plans to take the kids somewhere special for the day and not tell anyone! But as soon as we were in the car and pulling out of the driveway, Lori would say where we were going. Very uncanny sometimes...
I'll tell a little more about her early years for a minute. She started sucking her thumb and my Mom said she shouldn't because it would make her teeth poke out. So she brought me a bottle of hot pepper sauce and put some on her thumb. Lori stuck it in her mouth., looked at me and her grandma, sucked harder then stuck it out for more hot sauce! She was 9 months old.
Sometimes she would just start crying like babies do. I'd make sure nothing was causing the crying, and there wasn't, but she would continue for a few minutes then pass out! The first time it scared me something awful! I called the doctor and he said to just put her down somewhere safe, sit on the other side of the room and wait...she'd come out of it. He said she was looking for attention. I had to shake my head at that, she got plenty of it! But she continued to do this until she was about 2.
Yet other times, she was the giggly little girl who loved to hug anyone!
And very intelligent. She read sooner than anyone else her age, loved to draw, and when she did it was very detailed. Her teacher sent a picture home with a note that she was so impressed. Lori had drawn a picture of her teacher with every little detail she saw. Right down to the earrings, her rings, and her hair bows..
Not sure you can read it...pretty old piece of paper. But you'll get the idea. She was in first grade then and such a silly one..
Yet there were times when she would disappear somewhere... actually going out and be gone almost all day. We lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone and their kids. But sometimes I had to send her big brother out to look for her, times were different then. Or she would just mentally be gone somewhere. We all do that sometimes I think, but this was different...
She was a tomboy too and could hang out with the boys.
And she was on the Yearbook Staff in grade school, being the 'Artist'.
That's her on the bottom right..the tiny one...
But I was always getting letters from teachers how she wasn't using her time and not doing the work. And she'd get in trouble...fighting, leaving the room and not coming back, not coming home after school. Yet she was so funny and everyone liked her.
At home, she would be the sweet daughter at times and then do something so out of the norm. And the older she got, the more manipulative she became. I'm sorry that I keep going on about things. It's just hard to explain how she was. And if I make it sound like she was all bad, that's not the case.
But life with Lori was becoming difficult...for everyone. Money started disappearing from my purse and anywhere else it had been put away. Treasured things got broken or taken. And when confronted about it, she always blamed someone else. Sometimes a girl I didn't even know! Other times, her older brother. He was so frustrated one time when I confronted him about some missing money, he looked at me in disgust and said
"Mom, you don't know how she really is"
Ok, this is more detail than I thought I'd get into. But it's the only way I know how to set the stage for the rest of the story...
But it's late so this will have to be continued.
And it will be.........
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